Tired

I am tired of fighting. Tired of fighting to be normal. Tired of fighting to be understood.  Tired of fighting for help. Tired of fighting this disease.
Everyday I have to figure out how I am going to get through the day. My mind wants to go one way and my body is going in another. I feel like a prisoner. Trapped with nowhere to go. No transportation,  no money to do even the most minor things because I can't work, having to wait for someone before I can do anything.  All of these things are weighing on me heavily. Now I am fighting myself.
The feeling of loneliness envelops me often. I am emotionally wrecked on the inside. Who does one talk to when you have something no one understands? People look at me like why does he have that walker? "You're too young for this" Or they say things like, "I should have that, not you". That doesn't make me feel better, only guilty.
I can't control what is going no matter how hard I try. Its not my fault. Who wants to pretend to have something like this!
Some look down on you. Talking over me, downplaying how I feel, not listening to me. As is to say "who cares what he has to say, he can't do anything. " Lashing out at me when the fault is clearly not mine. I reckon this just makes me an easy target.  Wow, I guess I never saw that coming.
This isn't to make anyone feel guilty but my thoughts are what they are. Holding it in hurts too much.
I want to be myself again. I wish things were different. Trying to figure it all out has been more difficult than I thought. Somedays I have it most days i am so conflicted it feels like  I am in someone's nightmare. I can't do anything right not even for my own self. Where did it ll go wrong is usually the question of the day.
My body has changed, my face swollen by medication,  my chemistry is off, everything is just wrong.
I know I will get through it. I just don't want to do it alone. My motivation is somewhat clear. There are things I want to accomplish.  I will figure it out. They will be accomplished.  Obstacles have been overcome before and will be overcome again. Determination....that is what is needed now. It will come back to me. When it does, then I will move to the next step like I always have. 
These feelings will never leave me, but I am ready to handle them as they occur. I'm not afraid to tell what I feel because someone else is feeling the same way but may not be able to express it. 
Tomorrow will bring another battle I know. I will be ready.